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Gerry Ryan found dead ! April 30, 2010

Posted by Rambling Man in Ireland & the Irish.
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Mother of God – I hope this is not true but there’s a story on Breaking News.ie that Gerry Ryan of 2FM has been found dead in his Dublin apartment.

I’ve always liked listening to Gerry and if he is gone, then broadcasting in Ireland has lost one of it’s finest contributors.

Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam.

Crazy finish to basketball game April 30, 2010

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Stranded senior citizens see true Irish hospitality April 29, 2010

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Stranded US senior citizens get a taste of Irish hospitality – The Irish Times – Fri, Apr 23, 2010.

Basically, when the ash cloud hit the country last week, some kind tour operators showed their American guests what Irish hospitality can be …

So well done and thank you to Bernard and Sally Creegan, Peter Flood, the Mespil Dublin and Cronin’s Coaches … what you did for these elderly tourists made sense, was very kind and above all, was the right thing to do !

If only this thought process could somehow permeate our Irish culture once again …

The Fires of Hell … April 28, 2010

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Riddle me this – it’s kind of a half-serious post even if it all just spewed out at once in a humourous way !

The subject is Hell, Hades, the Underworld, Jahannam, call it what you will … where the bad guys end up and somewhere with a complete and irreversible separation from God.  We are wondering what to teach the kids about Hell because the youngest will go to a religious run school and is scared of big, scary monsters like the devil and the concept of the prospect of everlasting torture !  Funny that !

So if the fires of hell are everlasting, as we are taught, they mustn’t be very burny (sic) unless they had an endless supply of flammable material …

Seeing as, at some point in time, the world will end with the coming of God, presumably no humans will be born from then on … and therefore by logical following, there will eventually be a finite number of souls to be burned in hell (even taking into account those fellas eventually thrown out of heaven), meaning that the fire at some point would have nothing to burn ?

– and therefore of course, couldn’t be everlasting … unless in the first place, as mentioned above, it wasn’t burny and only a Mickey Mouse fire, for pure show – one that didn’t really burn you because something cannot be burned indefinitely without disappearing asunder like …

So I think they are either wrong about the fire in that you just get burned alive but it only lasts for as long as your soul lasts in terms of disintegration …

Or

By logical conclusion, there’s no such thing as hell …

And just on that last point, isn’t the greatest trick the divil ever pulled, convincing the world that he didn’t exist – or that maybe his big fire wasn’t as bad as it actually is !!?

Just wondering like … we have to kinda start teaching our kids some religion !

Attack on GAA referee April 27, 2010

Posted by Rambling Man in Ireland & the Irish, Sports.
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Footage of an attack on a GAA referee has been posted online.

via Footage of attack on GAA referee posted online – Hurling, Sport – Independent.ie

Jaysis, what’s the game coming to ?

Réabhlóid Abú ! April 26, 2010

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It’s my new catchphrase ! Like it ?

Ah Bless Him ! April 26, 2010

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So funny for anyone with kids !

What a silly question ! April 26, 2010

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Via our wonderful Táiniste … completely living in her own world …

In her address, she said: “Does anyone really believe that I or any of my Fianna Fáil colleagues in Government — Brian Cowen, Brian Lenihan, Noel Dempsey, Dermot Ahern, Micheál Martin, Éamon Ó Cuív, Mary Hanafin, Batt O’Keeffe, Brendan Smith, Pat Carey or Tony Killeen – are in some way corrupt or beholden to banks or developers?.

Yes of course we do !  Every last roaring one of you !!!

Hats Off to Jessica Watson April 25, 2010

Posted by Rambling Man in World Affairs.
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Our collective hats off and hearty congratulations must go to young Australian girl, Jessica Watson, who has become the youngest female (if not person?) to sail solo and unassisted around the world.

Her route took her east from Australia, around Cape Horn and across the Atlantic to South Africa before home through the Southern Ocean to Oz …

Well done – go visit her site and see her remarkable story !

Spectacular shots of the Volcano April 24, 2010

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Follow this link for some spectacular shots of the Eyjafjallajokull volcano …

For all its faults (geddit?) its a very picturesque thing !

I give up ! April 23, 2010

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Five-year-old sinks hole in one – via here … well done !

Makes me feel like giving up the game !  I couldn’t hit sh*t off a turnip on the weekend 😦

I wish I was Bertie Ahern … April 22, 2010

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I wish I was Bertie Ahern.

go read the article !

Phrase of the Day #211 April 22, 2010

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“I can’t believe it,” said the tourist.

“I’ve been here an entire week and it’s done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?”

“Well, that’s hard to say,” replied the local.

“Last year, it was on a Wednesday.”

What volcanic ash does to an engine ! April 21, 2010

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Ever wanted to know what happens when volcanic ash hits a plane’s engines ? Sit back and let this jolly fellow tell you … and then be thankful the airlines are cancelling flights !

Birdeeeeee ! Tweet Tweet April 20, 2010

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My kid has learned to say “Birdeeeeee ! Tweet Tweet !”

15 months old … bless his missing socks 🙂

Recipe calls for ‘salt and black people’ April 20, 2010

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Sack the editor !!

This is quite an amazing gaffe when you think about it – perhaps it shows the perils of not having the script read by a human – the spelling was right but the context and words certainly weren’t !

Penguin Group Australia has binned and reprinted ‘Pasta Bible’ after one method called for “salt and freshly ground black people” to be added to the dish.

VolcaaaNOOOOOOO !! April 19, 2010

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So there we were, half-way round the M50, making good time to the airport and the wife gets a text from my worried mother back home.  4.30 am !  Kids asleep in the back.

“Eh” says she, “There’s been a volcanic eruption in Iceland and they might be cancelling flights!”

“A what ?” says I “Sure how would that mean we can’t fly to Scotland?”

And so we park, get the bags in order, wake the kids and trek into the departures lounge … I open the door … and am hit by what can only be described as mayhem of epic proportions.  Thousands upon thousands of people !  Literally.  Going nowhere and getting antsy.

“They shoulda feckin toald us!” shouted one Dubliner to nobody in particular … followed by a curt “Dis is a loada bleedin shite!” from his scantily clad and equally neanderthal companion. I could sense our trip was doomed !

A quick glance at the board tells us all we need to know – all flights grounded for the foreseeable future and nobody to find information from … and then I spot it.  Two lads attempting to join ‘the queue’ to the Ryanair “information” desk … manned, despite the barbarian hordes at their gates, by 2 – yes, 2 – blue clad ladies.

These young fellas – obviously not able to speak English – were accosted by an abrupt “Oi!” from a white-clad airport security type older lady who pointed them in the general direction of about 400 other people further away from the queue they were trying to join.

“We book again!” complained one of them “We stand here no ?”

A classic Irish reply which added to their confusion “No love, I don’t care where you stand, but you’re not standing here !”  and so they were swept away in an ocean of other bodies to stand at the back of the 4 section, snaking queue to the Ryanair desk.

A passing American lady and her husband – who at least had some chance of getting home – entertained the onlookers with cries of “I just don’t know Manny, I just don’t goddamn know!”

Another bemused Wesht of Ireland man sighed “Ah Jaysus Noel they’ve cancelled the whole feckin place” before heading off in the direction of the already packed bar.

Just a few little ditties from the airport on a Thursday morning when a feckin volcano decides to go off … at least we can’t blame it on Fianna Fáil !

Eyjafjallajokull !! April 18, 2010

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If this tongue twister of a volcano was in Ireland, at least it’d be called “Mick’s Volcano” or “The Fierce Big Volcano Out in the Field There” … at the very worst – and still pronouncable – it’d be called after some hero of old like “Dunphy’s Volcano” …

Eye-ya-f-yella-jock-ool me hole !

Litter Bugs – we start ’em young ! April 15, 2010

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We start ’em young in this country, that’s for sure.  And we care little, that’s plainly obvious too !

The local park on a sunny day – tons of walkers, kids, cyclists – lovely !

I speak of a chap – he was 14 or so – who can only be described as a right little scrote !  School uniform clad and munching some generic sandwich, he and his mate strolling along; he picks the paper off the sandwich and fires it without looking right over his head onto the ground.

This galls me and pushes all the right buttons – soon I have the paper in my hand and catch up to him ..

“Eh you dropped this !” says I, holding up the paper.

“No, I didn’t !” says he, sheepishly.

“Yes you f*cking well did” says I “I was 3 yards behind you!  Now please put it in that bin over there!”

He refuses to take the paper back from me and mumbles something I’m sure only his mate and several near extinct species of pond scum can understand …

So I roll up the paper into a ball and push it right into the sandwich box that he’s holding …

“Put it in the bin NOW !” says I “Or I’ll report you to the council and to your school!”  At this point I walked on … “F*ck sake” he mumbles after me.

I turned around in about 10 seconds and he was waiting with a defiant grin he can only have learned from his elders – he throws the paper on the ground again, this time along with the rest of his lunch, and gives me the bird.

14 or 15 years old – in a respectable school – a bin 10 yards in from of him.  What to do in such cases ? Report him ? Clatter him ! Fine him ?

Modern Ireland, ladies and gentlemen !  Who gives a rat’s arse ?

Phrase of the Day #210 April 14, 2010

Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
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He was so mean he installed double glazing just so the kids wouldn’t hear the ice cream truck !

What can you say ? April 13, 2010

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The best excuse I have ever heard for not turning up to a very important Under-18 County Hurling Final …

A selector goes to the young player’s door to “collect” him …

Man : Is Johnny ready to go to the match ?
Mother : Ah, he can’t come !
Man : What !  Why ?  He’s our star forward !
Mother : Ah, he’s above in the bed with his girlfriend !

17 years old – G.A.A. legend status assured !

I miss Sweary ! April 12, 2010

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All hail Sweary … bring back the blog !

taken from Arse End of Ireland, 5-8-09

Irish-English Dictionary !
Cute means smart, and smart means irreverent, along with saucy, which does not mean sexy, nor does foxy, which means ginger.

Desperate does not mean desperate, but rather emphasises any word it precedes, as does awful, which does not mean terrible, which does. Sure means Well, and well means hello, which is not the same as hi, which generally means Oi you!, which is pretty similar to c’mere, which does not mean come over here, but rather is the generic start of an Irish sentence, meaning something along the lines of, “Please listen carefully, I am about to speak.” Its opposite would be “Go on” which does not mean go on at all, but rather, “Please put down the phone, I am finished speaking with you,” which is much more polite than saying, “Get away to fuck” which does not mean “Please leave so you can procreate”, but rather is the same as “Go on”, except with added snarling.

Are we clear yet?

All Hail the Glorious Leader April 7, 2010

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OH MY GOD !!!
This man runs the country – not to mention the eejits egging him on !

Abuse protest at Easter mass April 6, 2010

Posted by Rambling Man in Ireland & the Irish, Say it like it is.
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I am wondering what people think about this incident and whether similar protests will eventually escalate into something altogether more unsavoury?

Basically, on Easter Sunday last, during mass at Dublin’s Pro Cathedral, several people approached the altar and left children’s shoes in front of it, symbolically representing the victims of child abuse.  One of the protesters shouted “Shame!” at the bishop …

So, it seems that the widespread anger that exists on a huge scale is threatening to bubble over.  I am, however, questioning whether walking into a mass and shouting is the correct way to do it.  There will always be thousands upon thousands of church-goers in Ireland who don’t appreciate the furore that is being made about the whole child abuse issue … privately they might disagree with the incidents of abuse (I mean, who couldn’t?), but publicly, they will defend their church.  I suppose you could call it the dying remnants of the 50s and 60s non-questioning, all-powerful Church who dictated to the public on all aspects of life.

The protest outside the church, fair enough.  I just don’t think it’s effective to burst in, walk up the aisle and draw anger from the congregation before making a symbolic gesture at the celebrants.  I really feel that these priests and bishops will get their comeuppance but not right away – the Church in Ireland – at least as it stands now – is a dying entity which has destroyed itself.  It’s hard to see, in a generations’ time, things being the same as they are even now, never mind the way they were say 25 years ago.  At some point in the future, they will have nothing to do and nowhere to go and that will serve as their religious fate.

And on that point of modernity (or lack of), I went to mass on Holy Saturday, prepared to give the whole concept of mass another chance (because I find it insufferably static and one directional) when what does the priest stand up and preach about ?  Ah the time Moses parted the Red Sea, saved all the Israelites and how about 20,000 Egyptians were drowned when they tried to follow them.  The people at the time were singing God’s praise for killing all these Egyptians ! God it seems, has quite a temper on Him when it comes to drowning Egyptians … quite the opposite of the God I believe in myself now, but maybe not the one the Church wants me to believe in ?

I also found myself mumbling the words which were worn into my brain since childhood – telling me everything I needed to know – the mass hasn’t changed one bit really and soon I was more concerned with the cold in the building that with what I was supposed to be getting from the celebration !

Speaking of cold – this fella must’ve been freeeeeezing ! I wonder why the idiot did what he did ?  Another protest ?

The Cactus Cuties April 2, 2010

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The Cactus Cuties from Lubbock, Texas … These kids are amazing !

Check them out on YouTube – such great harmonisation …