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Post Fodder June 29, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
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I’m not well of late so this will have to suffice …

Northsider girl in bed with her boyfriend says, ‘ How dare you call me a slapper, get out of my bed right now and take your mates with you! ‘

Did you ever ask yourself … June 26, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
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… why Superman stops bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Thriller June 26, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in World Affairs.
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For the day that’s in it !

I was never a big Michael Jackson fan although I am sad that he is gone. My one outstanding memory of things Whacko Jacko related is when the video “Thriller” came out in the 80s we were banned from watching it !

Dead people dancing about !?  Not for my young eyes !

Embedding is disabled on You Tube but you can see the video here.

An awful joke about a squashed frog June 24, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
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There was a 13 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, ‘I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I’m not leaving until I do.’

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, ‘Do any of the girls have any diseases?’ Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, ‘I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT’S the girl I want!’

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?’

He said, ‘Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught.

Wh en Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he’ll jump her bones, and he’ll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease…and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!

Nikon D80 June 20, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery.
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Does anyone know where I can get my lens fixed ? Its from a Nikon D80 and the effing strap broke … it still takes pictures but the focus doesn’t work – you can hear the lens mechanisms clunking away inside !

The 4 Cornerstones of Ireland June 18, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery.
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1. Be Catholic – and nothing else is relevant !

2. No riding !! Other than for the purposes of procreation.

3. The more cover ups, collusion, abuse and misery the better …

4. The more money can be made of the backs of no.3, the better !

I know I’m home now !

€2 = 2p June 18, 2009

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€2 = 2p ! It’s true ! As I discovered when I was last at Aldi and had to root around in my car/golf bag for a coin that would go in the trolley slot !*

An old UK 2p piece will fit into the €2 slot … just thought I’d tell yis.

On being told to “Fuck Off !” June 16, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in Ireland & the Irish.
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I have to share this with you ! I can’t not !

There I was walking along towards the exit door, enjoying the sunshine about to be on my back when I noticed two ladies hurridly running towards the door in the opposite direction to me.

So, being the highly chivalrous and courteous gentleman I am (stop laughing down the back !), I hold the door open for them.

Lo and behold they saunter through, without even as much as a look or a nod towards me. Normally these things wouldn’t bother me too much but it was about to get a whole lot better …

“You’re welcome !” says I, half under my breath !

With that the skankier looking one of the two, turns and without so much as regarding me for a second spews “Fuck off you fat c*nt ! Nobody asked you to hold open the f*cking door !”

“Jaysis – some people !” I thought and off I went …
“Jaysis – some people !” she thought and off she went …

On strange sayings June 16, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery, Ireland & the Irish, Say it like it is.
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“Can I get a pint of Carlsberg offya !” says one of the lads recently at the pub.

I thought it a strange way to ask for something … I mean, isn’t it obvious that you are requesting something from the vendor without having to add the offya to the end of the order ?

Shop assistant : “Next please !”
Blaa native : “Can I get 3 sausage rolls offya please ?”

It causes no end of consternation amongst the plethora of non-nationals* who staff our catering services …. a silly turn of phrase, I’m sure you’ll agree …

* non national – meaning you’re not a national of Ireland, has got to be the stupidest and most ignorant phrase doing the rounds these days.  A non national !

You are a person with NON put in front of your name … I mean who comes up with this drivel ? Just thinking outside the box, going forward and picking the low hanging fruit while I’m at it, would someone please give me a heads up and an indicative time-frame on the end of the analysis paralysis going on in Ireland at present !  It’s akin to trying to boil the ocean !

On “being a disaster” June 15, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery, Say it like it is.
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I shared my plane home yesterday with a bunch of lovely girls from the area – they were coming back from a shopping trip in Manchester and all seemed to have had a great weekend. There wasn’t an eff this or eff that uttered among them …. refreshing !

But there’s always one … let’s call her Shirley – Shirley was part of this group and come boarding time, was nowhere to be seen. I mean, plane about to leave, throw your bags out on the tarmac, phone off, nowhere to be seen … and so ensued a little bit of panic and a lot of talk about how Shirley was a walking disaster, how she’d lose her head if it wasn’t screwed on and how some of the girls were lucky they had only been on holiday with her the once etc.etc.

So my question is this – what makes someone “a disaster” in that sense ?  We all know the type – due to meet your girlfriend at 8pm but at 8.10 you decide its time to go, only to view yourself in the mirror and decide you’ve still time for a shower !

Shirley lost her passport, her bag and God knows what else – all in the space from the security checks to the gate … and had to rely on the kindness of the airline to get it back for her … Aer Arann are certainly not Ryanair and if they expanded their destination schedule a little, they’d get lots more customers.

So why is it that some people cannot consciously handle a process like checking in, walking through security and walking to a gate within a given time period ?  If you have time to arse about then arse about – if not, don’t !  Or is it that they get so befuddled and messed up about how “they’ll never manage it” that that very thing stands in the way of them not managing it !

Wrecks my head … but at the same time, watching her was funny !  It was all in good humor which coupled with the quick hop home (15 mins from the airport !) made for a fine weekend …

PS : Although he could be, Colm Diver is not Shirley !

Liverpool June 11, 2009

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So I’m off to Liverpool for the weekend, and was wondering do any of you wonderful bloggites know what I should do with the little spare time I am sure to have – spare time that isn’t clouded in a beer filled hangover haze ….

A little gem June 10, 2009

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A little gem I heard today in the Potato Market car park in Limerick … in relation to new shoes that were killing my colleague …

“You should wear new shoes a while love, before you put them on !”

New Header Image June 9, 2009

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That’s Mount Maunganui – near Tauranga in New Zealand where we used to live … we came back here ! Don’t ask !

Move over Tiger ! June 9, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor, World Affairs.
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Continuing with the theme of North Korean madness …

N. Korea’s Kim Jong-il shot 38 under par his 1st time out !

via WorldTribune.com

-38 !  30 f*cking 8 under par in the one round …. wait now a minute !  That’s eh … 34 shots !  Most professionals would be happy to shoot that over 9 holes !

So he’s a fantastic golfer on top of it all … so come out from behind the curtain Mr.Kim – the world needs ya !  We bow “Dear Leader” in humility before your greatness !

Now where did I put that bloody holodeck key ?

Ireland beat Bangladesh June 8, 2009

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Newsflash !  Ireland have beaten Bangladesh by 6 wickets in the Twenty20 World Cup of cricket !

Well done team !

N.Korea sentences U.S. journalists to 12 years June 8, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in World Affairs.
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North Korea on Monday sentenced two American journalists to 12 years of hard labor in a case widely seen as a test of how far the isolated Communist state was willing to take its confrontation with the United States.

via NYTimes.com

What the hell is taking shape over in North Korea ?  12 years hard labour for 2 journalists ?

This situation is rapidly getting out of hand … next thing we know, Kim Jeong-il will kick the bucket and all hell will break loose ! Remember that North Korea has the 5th largest army in the world and recently carried out several missile tests, despite threatened UN sanctions … it’s giving out warnings, creating exclusion zones around its borders, saying it will respond with extreme measures … oh and they also pulled out of the armistice governing the end of the Korean War (in which there was never a peace treaty signed) …

Is this all the work of a leader who believes himself to be so close to being invaded that he feels the need to do something … or the results of a madman’s mind !

Isn’t it amazing the way dictatorships work ?

Paolo Nutini June 8, 2009

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I am well known for being musically illiterate ! But at least I know what I like and what I don’t like …

And I’m loving Paolo Nutini‘s new album “Sunny Side Up” … go and buy it, borrow it, download it …

Groovy !

(Do people still say groovy ?)

When Adam walked in Eden young June 7, 2009

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When Adam walked in Eden young

from “Additional Poems”

by A.E. Houseman

III

When Adam walked in Eden young,
Happy, ’tis writ, was he,
While high the fruit of knowledge hung
Unbitten on the tree.

Happy was he the livelong day;
I doubt ’tis written wrong:
The heart of man, for all they say,
Was never happy long.

And now my feet are tired of rest,
And here they will not stay,
And the soul fevers in my breast
And aches to be away.

Ian Parsley June 6, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery, Ireland & the Irish, World Affairs.
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Ian Parsley is running in the European Elections for the Alliance Party, in Northern Ireland.

I had to do a double take on the name as I thought the “Big Man” himself had decided to come out of retirement …

Best of luck to them all …

via Ian Parsley – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Air France incident – what is going on ? June 5, 2009

Posted by Rambling Man in World Affairs.
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‘Up to now, no material from the plane has been recovered,’ Brigadier Ramon Cardoso, director of Brazilian air traffic control, told reporters in the northeastern city of Recife late last night.

That contradicted a statement Brigadier Cardoso made earlier when he said a palette and two buoys plucked from the Atlantic by navy crews were the first pieces of the Air France crash.

In fact, Mr Cardoso admitted later, they were nothing more than sea ‘trash’ – probably from a ship, as was a big oil patch originally described as a fuel slick from the French jet.

via RTÉ News: Debris not from missing Air France jet.

So let me get this straight – several days later, they have no knowledge of where the plane is – either intact or in pieces – and not one single solitary piece of debris or personal item from anyone or anything on board … ?

Curiouser and curiouser !

Do your democratic duty June 5, 2009

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Citizens of this land and other entitled voters who make their home here …

Have your done your democratic duty ?  Will you do so before the day is out ?

Voting today is the most powerful message you can give to the politicians on all sides, as to how you want this country shaped … great sacrifice was made in the past to ensure that you are now entitled to vote over your own affairs, so I believe it is incumbent on each entitled (and registered, of course) voter to do so …

I don’t hold any credence to this “Ah I can’t be bothered” bullshit – that’s just laziness – don’t effing complain then about your water rates being too high or your road not being resurfaced … today is the day for Ireland to stand up for itself !  Now is the time !

The polls don’t close till 10 so as the saying goes “Vote early ! and just vote often !”

All-Ireland Gold June 3, 2009

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I had the pleasure recently – whilst channel hopping – to churf * across TG4‘s excellent series, All-Ireland Gold.  The programme features entertaining and special GAA matches from the last 25 years or so.

On this particular programme, my own county – Wexford (for I am but a blow in to blaa land) were playing Offaly in the Leinster Final of 1996.  Looking back, it was the match that started “it all” … Wexford not only beat Offaly in that game (who were reigning champions) but went on to win their first All-Ireland in God knows how long.

I was at the match in question – I must’ve been about 17 – but its great to be able to look back at a match like this and see it on TV.  You get to see so much more than I did when I was there.  All I remember is running onto the pitch at full-time and being swallied (‘swallowed’ said the Wexford way) by the crowd … I also remember Tom Dempsey getting an outrageous point over his shoulder without even looking at the posts – we were so scared to believe that this day, for once, we wouldn’t be returning to Slaneyside brokenhearted.  And so the TV program brought it all back …

What a team we had in those days – you would find it hard to leave most of the 1996 team out of any modern team … and they went hell-for-leather at Offaly that day as if their lives depended on it.  I haven’t seen a Wexford team harry the opposition like it since which in its own way is disappointing.

The great O’Connor brothers, Adrian Fenlon beating lads out the gate, the mad Larry O’Gorman putting his head where others wouldn’t put their hurleys … the list goes on … Larry Murphy at half forward banging over the scores, Liam Dunne and the man mountain Ger Cushe … nobody in Wexford can forget Martin Storey or Tom Dempsey or any of the others … the commentators calling Eamonn Scallon Scallion … great days.  Liam Griffin dancing along the sidelines … what a feckin team we had !

So thanks TG4 for this series – it’s highly entertaining, especially if your only memories of the matches were from being at them … I hope they show the semi-final (against Galway) and the final (against Limerick) soon.

Loch Garman abú !

* churf – to channel surf

Air France Crash June 2, 2009

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“The Airbus A330-200, carrying 228 passengers and crew members, is believed to have vanished in a towering thunderstorm with no word from its pilots that they were in crisis.”

via Search Is On for Wreckage of Missing Air France Jet – NYTimes.com.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of this terrible tragedy and to the family members left behind.  It is one of the worst aviation disasters in the last decade and one can only imagine the heartbreak that families all over the world – including Ireland – will be feeling this morning.  It is the ‘not knowing’ for definite that would be the worst.