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A wee retort (pardon the pun!) May 29, 2007

Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery, Poetry & Humor.
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I felt I had to put finger to key to retort in a tongue in cheek but nevertheless well meaning response to the latter half of this post by the talented and always entertaining Flirty Something.

It involves a male’s inability to pee all his pee into the toilet bowl and not onto the floor or rim of the loo. The bould Flirty was looking for some sort of an explanation of this …

A couple of things, which I feel I have to mention in defence of all my male peers (pee-ers, geddit ?) should be noted as follows :

1) It doesn’t always come out straight !
A woman has the benefit of sitting down before peeing commences, thus enabling her posterior area to cover the target 100% effectively. The likelihood of spillage is therefore reduced to an absolute minimum.

2) Erm, I don’t quite know how to put this subtly but here goes … if a lad’s lad has a lid, the lid might interfere with a lad’s lad’s trajectory. Conversely lidless lads or more correctly, lidless lad’s lads, are not so directionally challenged. Right, no explanation needed on that one !

3) Bearing in mind point 2, streams can split – rather like the tornadoes one sees in nature programs on National Geographic.  Priority must therefore be given to the stronger stream to ensure it hits the target.  This sometimes happens to the detrement of the aim of the second, weaker stream.

4) The force of gravity and how it effects the perceived “appendage to target” line and flight is proportional to the pee-ers hand to eye coordination or in this case, his hand to lad coordination. So in other words, if he can’t play snooker or catch a ball or is about as accurate with a gun as a delirious ostrich, the lad’s lad will point at a particularly splash back vulnerable part of the toilet i.e. everywhere but the water.

5) Several other outside factors have to be taken into account.
These include, but are by no means limited to, the time it takes to reach the bathroom, the coldness of the day, how much one has imbibed, how “burstin” one is and whether, at the last minute, attention has to be drawn away from readying oneself by having to correctly apportion the toilet accoutrements and seating arrangements.

So there you have it !

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Comments»

1. kav - May 29, 2007

Brilliant. Thoroughly comprehensive.

2. Rambling Man - May 29, 2007

tis true for ya though isn’t it ! i can never pee straight and take awful flak for it – its like bumble bees not being designed to fly but still doing it … we weren’t meant to pee straight ! period ! (oops)

3. irishflirtysomething - May 29, 2007

HILARIOUS and informative, but still doesn’t explain the inability to clean up afterwards 🙂

4. Rambling Man - May 29, 2007

true – i’ll have to think about that one. i know my own sprinkles are always gotten rid of (of course)

5. GerryOS - May 31, 2007

but still doesn’t explain the inability to clean up afterwards

Simple! That’s a woman’s job!

*cowers under desk*

6. irishflirtysomething - May 31, 2007

Gerry there aren’t runners fast enough for you………

7. Rambling Man - May 31, 2007

wicked talk altogether there gerry !

8. Reggie - May 8, 2009

Wow.

I’ve always wondered about that.

THANK YOU for solving one of the most age-old mysteries of the world since the invention of the sit-down toilet.

And in future I will be more compassionate towards lads whose lad cannot aim straight.

Rambling Man - May 9, 2009

Yeah us men get lots and lots of grief from our womenfolk about this – turns out it’s just plain nature ! Well, the aim bit is anyway … the cleaning up after yourself bit ? Dunno 🙂


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