A wee retort (pardon the pun!) May 29, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery, Poetry & Humor.
It involves a male’s inability to pee all his pee into the toilet bowl and not onto the floor or rim of the loo. The bould Flirty was looking for some sort of an explanation of this …
A couple of things, which I feel I have to mention in defence of all my male peers (pee-ers, geddit ?) should be noted as follows :
1) It doesn’t always come out straight !
A woman has the benefit of sitting down before peeing commences, thus enabling her posterior area to cover the target 100% effectively. The likelihood of spillage is therefore reduced to an absolute minimum.
2) Erm, I don’t quite know how to put this subtly but here goes … if a lad’s lad has a lid, the lid might interfere with a lad’s lad’s trajectory. Conversely lidless lads or more correctly, lidless lad’s lads, are not so directionally challenged. Right, no explanation needed on that one !
3) Bearing in mind point 2, streams can split – rather like the tornadoes one sees in nature programs on National Geographic. Priority must therefore be given to the stronger stream to ensure it hits the target. This sometimes happens to the detrement of the aim of the second, weaker stream.
4) The force of gravity and how it effects the perceived “appendage to target” line and flight is proportional to the pee-ers hand to eye coordination or in this case, his hand to lad coordination. So in other words, if he can’t play snooker or catch a ball or is about as accurate with a gun as a delirious ostrich, the lad’s lad will point at a particularly splash back vulnerable part of the toilet i.e. everywhere but the water.
5) Several other outside factors have to be taken into account.
These include, but are by no means limited to, the time it takes to reach the bathroom, the coldness of the day, how much one has imbibed, how “burstin” one is and whether, at the last minute, attention has to be drawn away from readying oneself by having to correctly apportion the toilet accoutrements and seating arrangements.
So there you have it !