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The Effects of Haggis January 26, 2007

Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.

The Effects of Haggis – in a dirty, great Scottish accent.

Oh what a sleekit, horrible beastie
Lurks in yer stomach efter a feastie
As ye sit doon amang yer kin,
There starts to stir a michty wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushie peas,
Stert workin like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin’ wi’ the sonsie face
Will hiv ye blawin’ a’ ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonnae huv tae pay

Even if ye try tae stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.
Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air.
Shift yersel’ fae cheek tae cheek
An’ pray to God it disnae reek.

But a’ yer efforts go assunder,
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder.
It ricochets aroon’ the room,
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God almighty, It fairly reeks
(I hope a hivnae’ shit ma breeks)
Straight tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw whit the hell, It’s no ma worry.

A’body roon’ aboot me’s chokin’
Wan or twa are nearly bokin’.
Ah’ll feel much better fur a while,
Ah cannae help but raise a smile.

“’Twis him!!” Ah shout, wi’ accusin’ glower.
Alas, tae late.  He’s jist keeled ower.
“Ye mingin’ clert!” They shout and stare.
Ah amnae welcome ony mair.

Where e’er ye be, Let yer wind gang free
(Sounds jist the job fir thee an me)
Whit a fuss at Rabbies pairty
Ower the sake o’ wan wee ferty.




1. laurie - January 29, 2007

i had to copy this poem and send it to a friend. he drove 150 miles this past weekend to have a meal of haggis, in honor of robert burns.

2. Rambling Man - January 29, 2007

it came to me via email laurie but i think mr.burns had something to do with it … i actually prefer neeps and tatties to haggis !

3. laurie - January 29, 2007

i’ve not had the courage to try haggis. in minnesota, the delicacy is lutefisk. i’ve barely had the courage to try *that.*

4. Rambling Man - January 29, 2007

i’ve eaten something similar in sweden where my wife’s from. in ireland, people are big into things like stuffed lambs hearts and ox tongue and weird stuff you just let marinate for months ! eeeeuuwww !

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