They play GAA in heaven April 30, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
Two 90 year old men, Dixie and Tommy, have been friends all of their
lives. When it’s clear that poor oul Dixie is dying, Tommy visits him every day. One day Dixie says, “Tommy, we both loved Gaelic Football all our lives and we played through all the ranks, right up from U-12 together for so many years. Please do me one favour. When you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s Gaelic Football played up there.”
Dixie looks up at Tommy from his death bed, “Tommy, you’ve been my best
friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.”
Shortly after that, Dixie cashes in his chips.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Tommy is awakened from a sound
sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,
“Who is it ?”, asks Tommy sitting up suddenly. “Who is it ?” “To-mmy–it’s
“You’re not Dixie. Dixie just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Dixie” insists the voice.
“Dixie! Where are you ?” says Tommy
“In heaven”, replies Dixie. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Tommy. “The good news,” Dixie says,” is
that there’s Gaelic Football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies
who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows and best of all, we can play Gaelic Football all day long and we never get tired.”
“Jaysis, that’s fantastic,” says Tommy. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams ! So what could possibly be the bad news ?”
“You’re playing corner-forward on Tuesday evening.”
Phrase of the Day #128 April 30, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
“May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”
Now lads, keep the head down !
Portmanteau words rock ! April 28, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
I quite enjoy reading about the etymology of words in general but I particularly like the make up and history of portmanteau
A portmanteau word is one that combines the sound and meaning of two words, for example, “smog”, which is a combination of “smoke” and “fog”.
There are some real beauties about – and some that you wouldn’t even recognise as being portmanteau in nature … like ‘because’ (by cause) or ‘bit’ (binary digit). Email, motel or cineplex may now be common usage but what about squawk, flounder or glaze ? They are all squashed up words …
What really makes me smile is the more modern versions of words and how they seem to appear to fulfill the language’s need …
I mean it was plain obvious to me that we needed a word for a French looking fresh baked bread filled with something or other (croissandwich) or those people who help you get online in your local library (cybrarians) ! So the next time you are watching some muppets on a docusoap and are trying to guesstimate what their latest sexcapades are, try not to be influenced by the various rumors about them in the latest fantabulous raggazine. Goodbye ! (sorry)
Thanks to here for the words.
More smut April 27, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
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Johnny and Mary are in the bedroom getting ready to go to sleep.
“Jaysis Johnny” says Mary “Did we ever have any sexual relations ?”
“Well Mary, if we did I didn’t see any at your uncle’s funeral !”
Phrase of the Day #127 April 26, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
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“May those who love us love us. And those that don’t love us, May God turn their hearts. And if He doesn’t turn their hearts, May he turn their ankles, so we’ll know them by their limping.”
Funny ! I don’t know who wrote this one but it’s a good one for a father to say at his daughter’s wedding …
10 things I’m loathing … April 26, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
10 things I’m loathing at the moment … as seen in “10 things I’m liking” … in no particular order :
1 ) Chuggers – and still they approach me; twice in the same street
2 ) The bums outside my office using a local graveyard as a jacks
3 ) The kid a few doors down who wrote ‘fuck’ on my garden wall
4 ) The price of skips
5 ) Men with long hair
6 ) People who ask cashiers to take the money straight from their hand
7 ) The 30 second ads before you get through to 11850
8 ) Shop assistants not having enough English to do their job properly
9 ) Ryanair never admitting they’re wrong
10 ) Pizza literature coming through our letter box
Trevor Brennan’s appeal set for June April 25, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Sports.
I’ve blogged about the Trevor hitting the “fan” incident before and seeing as it’s become one of the most hit pieces on mo bhlag, I thought I’d give my tuppence ha’penny about the appeal process now underway.
To quickly refresh your memory … Brennan’s club Toulouse were playing Ulster in a Heineken Cup match in January, during which game a section of the away fans shouted abuse at the former Irish player and he reacted by entering the stands and battering the fella who abused him …
He was suspended in March, fined and then banned for life from “participating in any capacity” in tournaments organised by the ERC (European Rugby Cup) – this includes coaching. Having been found guilty of misconduct, Brennan then announced his plans for retirement at the end of the current season. The eejit he hit was neither fined, banned or as far as I know, found culpable of anything, never mind provocation. I find it incredible that the “fan” was not banned by the ERC from attending any games either but i suppose these sorts of incidents do not happen (thankfully) with any sort of regularity at rugby matches.
Brennan may wish to coach at events run by the ERC and at present the ban disallows him from doing so – he is therefore appealing the decision and the hearing will be heard in Dublin on June 1st. We await the outcome with interest …
Phrase of the Day #126 April 25, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
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“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall !” – Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas
What a lovely quote … we always had problems with Christmas trees because our ceilings were quite low but yeah, to me they were always the best things in the world …
Family tragedy in Wexford April 24, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Ireland & the Irish.
My blood is boiling the more I read about the tragic story that has unfolded in Monageer, Co.Wexford over the last few days. Innocent children are dead and in my opinion, there was enough evidence to perhaps prevent this happening … more I’m sure, will unfold over the next few days …
On Friday last the Dunnes drove to New Ross to an undertakers where the husband priced coffins for himself and his family. Presumably seeing that they were still alive and well at the time, the undertaker became suspicious and contacted the Gardaí. The Gardaí, who couldn’t just barge in and ask what he was doing pricing coffins, passed the query on to the wonderful HSE and were in contact with their Child Care manager. She (the childcare manager) advised the Gardaí that the family should contact Caredoc – an out of hours GP service – if they “had concerns” about something medical and referred them to section 12 of the Childcare Act if they felt the children were at risk. Lovely ! No action, just a hand off … and the people they handed the case off to – our seemingly infallible Gardaí – did not call to the house until Saturday, by which time the damage was done. They drove past the house alright, but didn’t call in ! Who, on the ground, acts on these matters ?
What sickens me is the lack of any sort of apparent procedure for dealing with pretty much feckin’ anything in this appallingly organised so-called first world country. If the best we can do is to refer a family in trouble to an out-of-hours GP service, when an undertaker (fair play to him) has alerted the authorities to something terribly strange, then how the forefathers of this republic must be rolling in agony in their graves with the shame of it !
A similar thing happened in 2005 when a woman, again in Wexford, called Sharon Grace drowned herself and her two kids in the River Slaney after finding out there was no help available because it was a weekend. The processes are just not there. What is in place to deal with these cases is a nothing procedure. A nothingness that leads to the complete abandonment and death of vulnerable people … a nothingness. Who, on the ground, acts on these matters ?
It seems the first reaction of anyone contacted about anything along these lines is to pass the problem on to someone else. Why is the correct procedure for emergencies and risk cases not drilled into every man, woman and child in the country. If not the HSE that looks after these problems, then who ? Who in Ireland is charged with the responsibility of maintaining a proper 24-7-365 emergency, help and support service aimed at catching risk cases and incidents like this ? Who, on the ground, acts on these matters ?
God forbid, next Friday evening, if I suspected (as that undertaker did) that something untoward and terrible was about to happen to a family I knew, who would I contact and what would they do ? Who, on the ground, acts on these matters ?
We’ve all sucked our teeth and said “Oh that’s terrible” this week when we heard about this story – but by next week it will be old news because we as a nation couldn’t care less because it was someone else this happened to. Thank God we didn’t have to call for a social worker in the middle of the night and felt like ending it all because there wasn’t someone we could talk to ! I know it’s not completely the government’s fault that people die like this … but who then ensures that it never happens again if it’s prevantable; if people get as many clues or alerts as they did this week in Wexford.
If I could borrow a headline from one today’s red tops – “The undertaker warned the Gardaí, the priest visited the home, Gardaí told the Health Board … still they all died !”
Smut April 24, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
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Johnny and Mary are newlyweds and have retired to the bridal suite of their posh hotel for a night of high passion.
Johnny bursts through the door of the bedroom wearing nothing but a dirty pair of
welltins wellingtons and roars out “Jaysis Mary, get ready for super sex !”
“I think I’ll have the soup !” says Mary …
Chips and fine weather April 23, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery, Poetry & Humor.
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Another wee tale of “chips” to warm the heart. Tis very seldom that I frequent the local
grease bin chipper. Its fare is about as tasty as the underside of a wheelie bin on a warm day but nevertheless, the other night the need arose to get something quick to eat. Suffice to say I had employment related dinner disrupting punctuality issues …
In I go to the thronged chipper and order what I thought was the least damaging thing on the menu and happened to comment to the cashier that they were very busy this evening …
“Jaysis yizzer fierce busy tonight – run off yer feet ye are !” says I
“I know boy !”, says yer one “That’s the fine weather for you ! They all want chips !”
And so it was written that fine weather causes the little known NCQ gene (NeedChipsQuick) in Irish people to go stone mad !
Fine weather, no rain for weeks, plentiful supply of chips – sure what more do ya want ?
Phrase of the Day #125 April 23, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
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“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” – Confucius
Many’s a man would do well to heed this one … but enough Confucianism for a while …
My famous ‘Bacon & Blue cheese salad’ April 21, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery.
Go on ! Try something different … here’s the recipe for my bacon & blue cheese salad. i say “my” like I owe bacon and blue cheese but you know what I mean … goes very well with a little white wine and / or as an accompaniment to a light meal. If I can make something that’s this tasty, then so can any
eejit man !
Rambling Bacon & Blue cheese salad (serves 4)
Ingredients : 6 streaky rashers, 1 small block of Danish blue cheese (€2 or €3 worth), mixed lettuce leaves, 1 chopped shallot, 1 scallion, olive oil, black pepper.
Simple really …
1 – Gently grill the rashers until crispy (don’t fry them because they’ll go soggy and a soggy rasher is a bad rasher !). Cut into small pieces. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.
2 – Dice the blue cheese into small dice sized cubes. The size of the dice you’d never find if you dropped it on the floor during an important game of Monopoly.
3 – Put the lettuce into a bowl and toss gently with 2 tbsp of olive oil, the chopped shallot and milled black pepper. Sprinkle the salad with the blue cheese and bacon bits and toss again.
4 – Serve with finely chopped scallion bits on top, if you want. If not then a topped scallion, dipped in salt and then in ketchup is yer only man !
That’s good eatin’ !
Pavlova and chips please April 20, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery, Ireland & the Irish.
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I thought people would find this picture amusing – as seen on a Deep Fat fryer box in the biggest retail chain in the country.
Shameless ! and I’m sure the advertising boys who “designed” it are making a fair buck ! A living innovation don’t you know, that now you can have chips with everything. Not just anything you want – but with absolutely everything you ever eat !
“Chips with Everything” it’s called ! Chips with feckin’ everything !
Even ice-cream ? or Weetabix ?
10,000 and counting April 19, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery.
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As of this morning 10,202 silly souls have decided to look at my humble blog. Well an unknown number of souls looked at it 10,202 times to be exact – it could just be my mother and sister in law for all I know … I’m happy with that stat after 9 months or so since I started waffling …
Seanfhalla April 19, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Poetry & Humor.
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le Gabriel Rosenstock
Féach an seanfhalla coincréite seo
Á théamh ag an ngrian.
Is gearr go mbeidh na seangáin amuigh
Chun damhsa Duit
Cé acu ab fhearr Leat é ?
Gasta nó mall?
Nó iad a bheith ina stad ?
Look at that old concrete wall there
Being warmed in the sun
It won’t be long before the ants come out
and dance for you
What would you like ?
Fast or slow ?
or for them to stand still ?
I hope the translation is accurate – I did my best. A nice, simple poem, I think …
Phrase of the Day #124 April 18, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
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“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.” – Confucius
Take heed ye, of these wizened words …
10 things I’m liking … April 18, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
10 things I’m diggin’ at the moment … soon to be followed by “10 things I’m loathing” … in no particular order :
1 ) My wife and child (they had to be the first – aaawww!)
2 ) Watching Ireland at the cricket World Cup
3 ) The good weather
4 ) The new fishmongers open near where I live
5 ) D’Unbelievables “Away in a Home” sketch – a classic
6 ) Blogging
7 ) The start of the golf season
8 ) Aer Lingus’ new flight to the north of Spain 8)
9 ) Meanies – the crisps from my youth have reappeared
10 ) My iPod
College shootings in the US April 17, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in World Affairs.
I’m just aghast at the latest spate of shootings at Virginia Tech college in the US. I feel sick to my stomach at the thoughts of 33+ people lying dead because of the ravings of some lunatic whom the government saw fit to allow to arm himself with bucket loads of ammunition and a high powered rifle.
I also heard one of the survivors being interviewed who claimed that if more of the regular students had guns themselves, this guy wouldn’t have killed so many people. Therein lies the warped problem with the US gun laws. More guns don’t make it more safe. More guns make it more likely that an idiot will get hold of one, have a row with his girlfriend and murder 33 people because well, he felt like it. Freedom and fucking democracy man !
A couple of points – can people really lose it like that guy did yesterday and go completely out of their mind ? I think the capability to murder someone and live with himself must’ve been innate in him ? or have I just defined the thought pattern of a psychopath ?
My other question – how long more before gun laws are changed or even looked at ? I know that it’s part of the US constitution that every man has a right to bear arms, but hundreds of years after it was written, that makes about as much sense in my opinion as a campaign to arm bears !
Irish gain permanent ODI status April 16, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Ireland & the Irish, Sports.
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Hats off to the Irish cricket team who beat Bangladesh yesterday to achieve permanent One Day International status.
In yesterday’s match at the Kensington Oval in Barbados, Ireland won by 74 runs, having bowled out Bangladesh for 169. Ireland’s last match is against Sri Lanka on April 18th in Grenada so let’s hope a few of the fans who were at the game in Barbados yesterday can make it to cheer on the team.
The lasting effect this trip of Ireland’s will have is to generate great interest in the game in Ireland and hopefully lead to future successes at the top level. Have a look at the Irish Cricket Union’s website for some interesting reports and pictures from the World Cup experience in the West Indies.
On a slight aside and an interesting point, Ireland will soon compete in the Friends Provident Trophy 2007 alongside some of the English county sides. With some of the Irish players now playing their cricket for those counties, we could be set for a club v country clash with current World Cup team members actually playing against Ireland come the summer …
Phrase of the Day #123 April 16, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Say it like it is.
“She’d have a minge like a three day old clam which was covered in glue and rolled around on a barber’s floor.” – Twenty Major
Now why can’t I write ‘em like that ?
Good old Confucius April 16, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in General Bloggery.
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“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” – Confucius
Jaysis if only I had’ve taken more notice of the great man, I wouldn’t have failed my recent MCAD exam by a measly 1% – might as well’ve been 50% … oh the shame !
Tough cricket love ! April 15, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Sports.
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Hard luck and well done to the Irish cricket team who were hammered into the ground by Australia on Friday.
As the bould Confucius said “Sure tis only by playin’ teams that are better, can you yourself improve !” … or something like that.
Lernta spake like wanuv us, hah ! April 13, 2007Posted by Rambling Man in Ireland & the Irish, Poetry & Humor.
The folks at the Rambling Man, while surfing aimlessly (rarely happens), were drawn to the website SoYouWanna dot com ! Apart from it’s great name, it features a very interesting article on “How to speak like an Irish person“, amongst other invaluable pieces of information.
Not be a begorra-begob-bejaysis effort either, like the site’s much lamented phony Irish accents in various feature films … it goes into the linguistics of it, which for an old language head like me is great reading. Sad, I know but bear with it !
The article, which is quite tongue in cheek, just might work methinks. For example, one of the phrases that they pick out to demonstrate is “How are you ?” which every good, card carrying Paddy knows is pronounced like “Ha’ waar ya?”, onto the end of which can be appended various impersonal pronouns like ‘sham’, ‘Tom’, ‘lad’, ‘boy’ or ‘bud’ but certainly not ‘boyo’ …
Another good example, as outlined by the site is the difference in words that are spelled the same, like the humble tamaata or ‘tomato’ if you must be correct about it.
“Tomato” should definitely lose its long vowels, so “tamahtoe” – definitely not “toemaytoe.” “Basil” should be “bahsil”; not “baysil.” With these two words alone, you can create a strong illusion of Irishness – particularly if you eat at an Italian restaurant.
Just imagine spotting the Yank going into the local Macari chipper and asking for a bit a baa-zel with their tamaatas … the possibilities are endless.
So, harden your consonants, lyricise your inflection and remember that when visiting Ireland, the weather forecast is always correct if it contains these 3 words … “It might rain!”